Humans are conditioned to crave contact with other humans in any form – consensual, non-consensual, love, hate, passion. Our emotional side runs the gamut; often leaving us perplexed, confused, and anything but happy and content.
In long term relationships such as marriage, humans are also conditioned to crave change. Variety, as they say, is the spice of life. Boredom, the antithesis to passion and excitement. How to balance the two?
The seat of happiness resides within you. Consider the fact that humans ‘search for love’ or the idea of ‘the one’ who will make us feel ‘complete’ but may even find something about the object of their affection which disgusts them, or turns them off.
What we fail to realise is relationships can bring us towards facets of ourselves which we dislike.
We project onto someone else the negative aspects of ourselves, then wonder why the relationship didn’t work. After years of feeling miserable, and trapped by our circumstances we consider –
Have We Used Up All Our Happiness?
Couples I work with have returned to an ex-partner several times, expecting a different outcome to the relationship each time. Failing to recognise that classic reason for a breakup –
It’s not you, it’s me
This is the only time this is actually true. It IS you when the irritation you feel when you’re with him results in a binge session of ice cream and chocolate chip cookies.
You’re feeling an imbalance, and need to adjust this.
If you grasp this concept – we project those irritable aspects of our personality onto our prospective mate – you at least stand half a chance of making your relationship a success.
Here are a few things to consider:
Come to terms with who you are; get centered on who you are, and process this.
Re-imagine your life; become as wonderful and balanced as you have dreamt of.
If you can dream it, you can manifest it for yourself. Don’t manifest it for Bob because he loves you to wear your hair long, or for David because he likes you to wear lipstick at all times, even though you hate how it gets on everything. Do it for yourself.
Always be your authentic self.
Love yourself. Everything about you, and within you.
Only when your authentic self is fully present, can you look forward to a future with the love you feel for yourself being projected onto the person you want to fall in love with you.
About Robin Wright-Thurnley
Robin is an Associate Head Coach who works with men to help them realise their goals and wishes for a fulfilled life.