This Thing Called Love


Associate Coach Robin Wright-Thurnley’s take on love, sex, relationships and marriage.

How do you know when you’re in love? Some of my clients asked me this question during our sessions this week and it had me perplexed.

I knew I loved my wife the day we first met and had a long conversation about everything that popped into my head. I was testing her, to see if there were any areas where we would disagree, where the deal breakers would be, which would mean I wouldn’t pursue her. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that we almost share the same birthday month, like the same fast cars, similar movies and watch similar sports.

Everything I thought of to ask her had a positive response. We were a match. A cliche perhaps, but I instantly felt this connection to her, and knew that I’d want to see her again. We’re celebrating our first wedding anniversary in a few days’ time.

This thing called love is often mislabelled as close friendship, best buddies, or soul mates, but being in love is something far more grand. It’s almost as though your brain kicks up a notch and you see everything in sparkling clarity as if for the first time. If I din’t know any better I’d say I was bewitched, or under a spell when I met her.

I went from wanting my own space all the time to craving her company almost overnight. She fascinates me with her unassuming presence, her beauty, her sense of humour, her intelligence. She’s creative and artistic, and plays more musical instruments than I can – I could go on, but I’ll spare you any more about how amazingly wonderful she is.

Perhaps I got lucky, or the planets were aligned perfectly the day we met. Whatever you choose to believe in. I think we were meant to be together in a previous life, and something happened to separate us. When we met it felt like I was continuing a conversation with her which we had started centuries ago.

If you’ve never been in love it can difficult to explain how it feels. I’ll try and illustrate some of the ways as best I can:

  • You want to call her at all hours of the night just to know how she is.
  • You want to make her smile, and laugh a lot. Seeing her happy makes your heart soar.
  • When you kiss her it feels really really great.
  • The urge to flirt with other women disappears. All your mind is on her.
  • Seeing her Gucci shoes in the store window and remembering what happened when she wore them last time makes you smile to yourself.
  • Watching her cook a fabulous meal for the two of you without any help, and jumping up from the chair to do the tasting for her to make sure its salty or sweet or savoury enough.
  • Coming home from work knowing she’s home making it beautiful for you, with a romantic meal and candles and wine. Makes your stomach flip over with excitement.

These are all signs you’re in love.

Run towards them, don’t fear them, they’ll make you into the man you’ve always wanted to be.

If you’re as lucky as me.


About Robin Wright-Thurnley

Robin is an Associate Coach at Phoenix Relationship Coaching where he works with men to bring them closer to their dreams of happiness and lasting love.