Ladies, are you pushing away a good man?
My male clients report several instances where they’ve felt pushed away by their partners.
The explanations for this include the man’s reluctance to change, complaints about a lack or romance, and his being too non-verbal in bed.
How can you avoid pushing away a good man?
Firstly, good men are special, and deserve to be revered as such.
When a man is described as being ‘good’ it mean many things.
Taking out the trash without being asked to do so, and keeping the house clean is not what I have in mind.
A good man is one who is kind, caring, considerate of his woman’s wants and needs, and is attentive. He listens and notes the actions which gain her respect and admiration. He repeats those actions confidently, in the full knowledge that she appreciates him for them.
Good men are motivated by compliments. A woman who pays compliments, makes grand romantic gestures, and delights him when unexpected to do so is an absolute joy.
Here’s the rundown if you want to avoid pushing away a good man:
Accept he will not change. If he does change, you may not like it. If you try and force him to change it may well backfire on you, and you wind up alone.
Remember why he fell for you in the first place. He’s not looking elsewhere for someone to love, if you’re on message, and on the same page, you have nothing to concern yourself about. If he’s at the football match he’s thinking of you the whole time he’s away from you, and can’t wait to get back home to be with you.
He’s never going to be romantic all the time (unless he’s Italian, then watch out). Men are sometimes wired to produce romantic gestures when a situation is appropriate enough to do so. This may seem cold, but let me explain.
If, every time you came home you had big romantic gestures, pretty soon you’d be bored, or the impact of the gesture would lose its lustre. A good man will bring out the big romantic gestures when he’s about to makes a proposal of marriage, or to celebrate the birth of his child, but don’t expect to experience the artificially high level of constant romance you see in a Hollywood movie.
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. A good man observes how you treat your friends – treat them well, and he’ll be happy. Mistreat them and you may lose him.
Good men love to be rewarded by a display of affection for a job well done. If he never hears ‘thank you’ resentment will build up fast. Remember to thank him often, and show gratitude in non-sexual ways (some of the time). Good men like to know you feel safe and protected because they are the ones providing it for you.
When you first met your good man it’s possible you pulled out all the stops to romance him with fine wine and intimate candlelit suppers. Don’t ever stop doing the little things that made him love you in the beginning, and he’ll love you forever.
About Robin Wright-Thurnley
Robin is an Associate Coach at Phoenix Relationship Coaching where he guides men towards achieving their dreams of lasting love.