It does seem likely that at least by 230,000 to 460,000 years ago humans were using fire in their caves. The ‘creation’ of fire as an event has been attributed to ‘men‘ but are we really sure it wasn’t women who created fire?
I recently watched my Wife and her girlfriends socialising in our home and noticed distinct differences in how they behaved in comparison to my male friends’ outlandish behaviour when they come over to the house.
With the women, there was lots of affection, lots of touches on the arm or shoulder, lots of complementing each others’ hair clothes make up etc. I watched them in amazement as they discussed politics, childrearing, the economy, and putting the world to rights in a babble of excitement and positivity.
There were no belches, no farts, and no raucous laughter every time someone downed a whole bottle of beer in one hit, unlike my male friends’ behaviour on Friday nights in the Media Room.
My Wife rarely has people over to the house. This night was an exception as there was a severe flood at her girlfriend’s house and she offered to home her and her two dogs temporarily.
As white wine and conversation flowed I took up my position to observe them, and kept almost out of sight.
The women all showed concern for each other’s welfare. They asked about the emotional side of life, such as marriage difficulties, finances, keeping afloat despite setbacks. I noted my male friends did not discuss these issues with me, or between themselves, in my presence. The very idea of asking my buddies about their marriages was alien to me. Even if I did ask, what kind of response would I get and how would I react if I heard something which made either of us feel uncomfortable? Men just don’t get how important this stuff is.
The women each contributed solutions to each other’s issues, and I watched tenderly while one woman started to cry, and they all embraced her.
She was going through a hard time with her husband. Men just don’t realise what we are missing out by not ‘bonding’ with each other in the same way.
I’m not ashamed to cry in front of my Wife and her friends, and some of my buddies have cried in front of me, but watching these women connect on another level was incredibly emotional for me to watch.
Each woman presented some of the solutions to the issues the woman had which were entirely out of left field – not obvious solutions that anyone had ever thought about until this particular gathering that evening.
I was stunned. Women are so much better at this sort of thing. Men are just wired so differently.
I’m willing to bet that the emotional closeness in my longest friendship – over 30 years – pales significantly in comparison with this group of women’s emotional ties.
Powerhouse women, all of whom are all doing Pro-Bono work such as my Wife, and giving back to vulnerable groups in society. I watched my Wife in complete awe and admiration for her anew.
I hardly see my buddy of the longest friendship in person because of geography. We exchange pleasantries at celebrations or Public Holidays but that is as far as it ever goes. We’ve never seen each other cry. Not even when his head was flushed down the toilet that first week at school.
I have a sneaky suspicion it was Women who first grew curious about creating ‘fire’ because men were in the caves or out hunter gathering animals and left women on their own to figure out the hard stuff.
I am grateful every day that Women did figure it out.